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Just a place to list theatre-related quotes said on Will and Grace. For my "real" blog, go to feathah.blogspot.com

I don’t produce theater. I AM theater!
- Karen

I didn't come here to threaten you ... even though I could revoke your passport, put your name on a watch list, and have your cable cut off right before the Tonys for the rest of your life.
- Malcolm (Alec Baldwin)

Karen: Your play stinks.
Jack: It does? Which pages?
Karen: The ones with words on them.

Will: I’m not gay.
Jack: This well-worn copy of the Dreamgirls soundtrack begs to differ!
(in a pre-outing flashback)

Karen: Honey, what the hell is a MAC award?
Jack: Only the most prestigious award in all of lower-Manhattan, non-transgender, equity-waver, gay cabaret!

This is so tight. Now I know why Evita was such a bitch!
- Jack (with a towel wrapped around his head)

I wanna show them I’m sincere but I haven’t gotten that far in my acting class.
- Jack

Someone called from the MAC awards. Ted Homosexual.
- Karen

Will (pretending to be Grace's mother): Did I tell you the Schenectady Times said that my performance in RENT stole the show?
Grace: Well, I'm not surprised. I mean look at you, Mom. You were born to play an adolescent struggling with homelessness and heroin addiction.

Grace: Mom! Will is gay!
Bobbie Adler: Oh I know that. I'm in the theatre!

I have hair from Bernadette Peters, Betty Buckley, and Idina Menzel. All I need is Patti LuPone and my Broadway diva wig will be complete!
- Jack

Jack: Just enough time to grab some ice cream and run to my acting class.
Grace: Why don't you just combine them and study with Uta Hagen Daaz?

Grace: You know how sometimes you do something and you get all caught up in it? And you know it's stupid but you don't realize just how stupid it really is until after?
Will: Sure. That's how Footloose The Musical got made.

No more of your damn gay group therapy. How many times do you expect me to sit through Mamma Mia?
-Karen

Grace: Which show did you buy tickets to as an excuse to get out of there?
Will: The fact that I have seats for Mamma Mia with a strict 8 o clock curtain time is purely coincidental.

Will: Just a quick stop here and then back to New York for Mamma Mia and a lifetime of trying to get Dancing Queen out of our heads.
Jack: I’m so excited! Do you realize we haven’t seen it in almost three weeks?
Will: Okay, I went once without you.
Jack: I went twice yesterday.

Great. What are we gonna do? If we stay here any longer we’re gonna be late for Mamma Mia. And you know if you miss the first five minutes you may as well miss the whole thing!
– Will

My mother hates the musical theater. I took her to see Les Miz and she said “Oh please dear. In real life the poor people never sing that much.”
– Will

Mamma Mia? You know the woman next door who’s son has a meth problem raved about it!
– Will’s mother

Jack: Play now?
Will: Don’t worry. It’s gay soccer. We’ll probably just run over there and compare Tony predictions.

Grace: Broad…?
Will: … way?
Grace: Not Broadway, you homo! Broad shoulders!

I’m going to see The Boy From Oz. I can’t wait to see Hugh Jackman. And his Huge Ackman. Ha!
– Jack

Well, it’s an adjustment. You haven’t been back that long. You’re still getting settled. Big cast changes at Thoroughly Modern Millie. We’re all a little off.
– Will

Will: Where’s your New York?
Leo: Well, it’s not here. And to address your evening plans it’s not waiting outside Joe Allen’s for Liza Minelli to come out.

I was confused. At Beauty and the Beast On Ice the buzzer means one of the utensils fell.
-Will (at a hockey game)

Will: Let’s go Strangers!
Leo: It’s Rangers and the clap you’re doing is from West Side Story.

I know I booked a table for five but the other four crapped out on me. They had to see Blue Man Group. Apparently it’s only playing another four more years.
- Candice Bergen at a restaurant as herself

Jack: I want the font on my resume to be Helvetica.
Will: I wonder how Chorus Girl will look in Helvetica.

Grace: Where the hell have you been?
Lorraine: I’ve been in the chorus of Taboo. The Boy George musical.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to the Taboo wrap party. They have them every night. Just in case.
– Lorriane

Why haven’t you returned my calls? I rewrote the lyrics to Carousel to reflect our situation. I did everything a man is supposed to do!
- Stuart

You wrote a bad play and you were molested. Welcome to the theater.
- Karen

Will (when handed a ticket): What am I supposed to do with this?
James: Well, you’re supposed to tear it in two, give me one half and I guess save the other half for your big theater scrapbook.

So the whole time you’ve been dating this guy sneaking around behind my back? I feel like Capt. Von Trapp and you’re Leisel making out with that Nazi in the gazebo!
– Will

Rosario: I played Gretel in the El Salvador First National production.
Karen: Oh Ro-Ro. I would’ve paid six chickens to see that.
Rosario: It was an Equity theater you racist bitch.

I want to have cats with you. I’ve already got them named. Grizabella and Skimbleshanks the Railway cat.
– Will

I could be the next Sir Judy Dench or Dame Ian McKellan. Do you really want to be known as the producers who passed that up?
– Jack

You’re as gay as a clutch purse on Tony night.
– Karen

If I learned anything from seeing Gypsy fifty times its to push your children until they hate you and never want to speak to you again.
– Jack

Will: It’s an angry email I’m correcting an injustice.
Grace: It’s been over ten years. They are not going to give Patti LuPone a retroactive Tony for Anything Goes.

What do we got here? You look like a bus and truck company of West Side Story.
– Karen’s mom referring to Jack and Rosario.

Halloween just happens to be the one day out of the year that makes the other 364 bearable. Well, this and the Tony Awards.
– Jack

We’re gonna go to Bea Arthur’s one woman show and yell out MAUDE! – Jack

What kind of monsters give a 10-year-old boy a baseball mitt when what he asked for was an autographed 8 x 10 of Chita Rivera? – Will

Jack: He looks like an Indian version of Vince.
Grace: That is Vince. From this angle he could be in the chorus of Bombay Dreams.

When couples split one person always gets the good friends. So if you don’t kiss up to Joe and Larry first, you’ll end up the ex-Mrs. Guiliani. He got the two cool gay guys and all she got was a part in The Vagina Monologues.
- Jack

Here’s your starter kit. All the Tales of The City books, non-alcohol skin toner, Ethel Merman Gypsy, Angela Lansbury Gypsy, Tyne Daly Gypsy and Pez.
- Jack (on the gay starter kit)

Grace: So Mom, how’s “The Music Man” going?
Bobbie: Excuse me, it’s “The Music Person.” I’m starring as Professor Carol Hill.
Will: Well, if it’s half as good as your performance as Millie Loman in Death of a Salesperson…

Jack: What are they doing out there?
Will: Can’t be sure but I think it’s the second act of Pippin.

Ah, the smell of an Off-Broadway theater. It’s worse than you remember. - James Earl Jones

The theater is my life. I live it. I breathe it. I fondle it till it falls asleep.
– Jack

James Earl Jones: I have two friends that might disagree with you. Tony and Tony. Would you like to meet them? They’re in my dressing room.
Jack: I’ve also had two Tonys. Also in his dressing room.

Enough with those bowling trophies. Honey, that’s an award they invented to keep gay men off the streets for a night.
– Karen (referring to the Tony Awards)

No one likes the theater. It’s just an expensive nap - Grace